Catskill National Park

A spring break in the Catskill is exactly the kind of get away I keep looking for. Though I didn't hike for very long I have to say it was a great feeling. Going back to my comfort zone is always nice. Unlike my expectation the hills were still covered with snow and the hike was more like trudging though the snow but the greenery the fresh air and the proximity with nature was completely worth it. Sometimes you miss something good in your life never being able to put a finger on what you are missing. This trip helped me realize that I miss nature, hikes and crazy walks in the woods. I need to get back to nature as frequently as possible. It rejuvenates me makes me happy and is like going back home. The tall pines the green mountains and the winding roads draw me closer to my home, the home I have left behind.

Six Months

My dear niece, Anoushka is 6 months old. Just like I missed my sister's wedding I missed her six month celebration too. I wish I was there. Truly !!

A Clearer Picture

Looks like all my trouble and problems are merely in my mind. I had a talk with a friend today whose wonderful attitude put me to shame. His problems are so much bigger and so much more daunting and inspite of that he stated it all so matter of factly. Next time I dream of cribbing about how imperfect my life is I should kick myself. I just hope I don't forget this promise within a few days.

Thinking Aloud.. Again

Ironical ... how you can live 20 years in US and become an American but you live 130 years in a city in India and you are still an outsider.

Dreams

I dream every night, literally. For as long as I can remember I have dreamed every day (more aptly every night) of my life. Some of my earliest memories are of my Dad waking me up in the morning and asking me to relate my dream to him. I did that for many years till I became lazy and woke up late for school and would have to rush out of the house to catch the school bus allowing no time for idle chit chat in the mornings.

Years passed, I didn't share my dreams with any one but I dreamed every night. Somehow I liked it, they were always happy dreams. Something which made me smile me when I woke up. I did have some bad dreams but they were not too many and I forgot them soon. However for the past one year I have been having bad dreams daily. Somehow I no longer look forward to dreaming. I know they mean nothing but I haven't been able to sleep peacefully. I wake up every day shaking and in sweat. All I want is a night of dreamless sleep from which I can wake up feeling refreshed and rejuvenated.

Thinking Aloud

Another month and the pit at the bottom of my stomach still lurks. A fear that I might fail, a fear that I may lose, no matter what I do I cannot seem to get rid of it. I promised myself a few things last month and I managed to stick to most of them. However my left and right brain are still fighting. I am still looking back at things which I know I cannot undo and which I would rather not undo.

Am I a masochist ? Does inflicting pain on myself make me feel better ? In a way I think it does, well not really make me feel better but I guess I think forgetting stuff is insensitive and if I am remembering them I am probably making some amends ... ummm.. in some twisted way.

Real

If I have never met you and never will you are as real to me as a Leprechaun.

Study Group

I had my first study group meeting today, ironical, since this is the last class I shall ever attend in my life and I have a study group for the first time. I didn't really want to go but decided not to be the spoilt sport. After an hour our study group was at the bowling alley... yes!!! ....I like this study group :). Life is full of surprises ... and I think I like it.

Snowed In .. !!

Three years back I had never seen snow and yet I loved it. I associated it with happiness, holidays and fairy tales. Everything from Narnia to grumpy old Scrooge was associated with snow and the magic was undeniable. The idea of building a snow man, having snow ball fights and riding sleds was all part of a beautiful parallel world where I was absent. Unfortunately now the snow is here but the magic is absent. I have not built a single snow man ever, never even got into now ball fights or rode sleds. My fascination with snow has been replaced by more practical questions like how will I get to school in the snow, do I have enough supplies to last me a few days if I can't go buy grocery, will I have to clean the snow from the sidewalk when I wake up in the morning.
Yet, somewhere I have to admit that I cant help but smile when I see the first snow of the season. Nothing is as beautiful as waking up one morning and seeing the world around you all white and pristine. Maybe the magic still lingers, somewhere.

Anoushka

Being the cynic that I am I thought I would never fall in love again. But when I held my niece for the first time in my arms at the airport I knew I had fallen in love again, hopelessly and unconditionally. Just the way I liked it. She is the most adorable thing in the world and there was no way I or anybody else could not love her. It felt good, the beginning of something nice and beautiful for the rest of my life. I only hope I don't miss out on much of her life. Here's hoping that a day will come soon when I shall be able to live closer to her and see her grow up.