Sunday, 15 November 2009

Rip Van Winkle .. Me ???

On a cold winter morning, I woke up and looked around for the warmth and comfort of my home. But where was I? This place was not familiar, I had never seen this room. My body felt sore and my head was throbbing. I slowly dragged myself out of bed, gripped by panic at being in this unknown place. Was I kidnapped, how long was I here, why did I feel so weak, was I drugged, a thousand questions flashed through my mind in a matter of seconds.
As I slowly made my way to the nearest door I caught a quick glimpse of my face in the window. It was me, but something was different. The light was in the wrong direction, I couldn't see very clearly and I ran towards the door hoping to find a washroom. It was a restroom indeed, a small dingy room with a tiny mirror perched on the wall with a small bath and toilet. As I looked at myself in the mirror I realized I was different, I was older, my hair was gray, I had wrinkles on my face the life had been pulled out of my face. I looked fifty years old, how was that possible ? Didn't I just have the beautiful life with a whole bunch of friends and family, people who loved me and people who cared for me. Where did I lose that life ? How could this have happened to me ? Where did those years from my life vanish ? Why could I remember nothing?
Slowly I walked out of the restroom and dragged myself back to bed. I needed time to come to terms with the facts around me, come to terms with the fact that I had no memories of the last twenty five years of my life. As I laid my head on the pillow I felt my head touch something hard, it was a diary. A diary so thick it held everything I needed to know about my past which I couldn't remember. As I began to read it I realized how I had never appreciated the wonderful life I had, always wanting to be younger, smarter, happier and richer. Good was never good enough for me, I needed better. Slowly things started to make some sense. I was awake from a sleep which finally made me realize how wrong I had been. It was probably too late to make a new start or was it? Could I start again ? I wish I had woken earlier and seen the truth. I don't understand why and how I wasted so many years of my life.
I slowly closed the diary swearing never to open it again. I couldn't undo the past, it was beyond me, the only thing I had left in me was my strength and my determination never to give up. I lied down hoping to make a new start now, without ever looking back at what I did and didn't do. However the nagging feeling remained..... what if I had woken up earlier?

Wednesday, 4 November 2009

My Mirror Image

I see myself in you. You are who I would have become if I hadn't changed my life when I got the opportunity. You represent everything that I could have been. My whims my flaws, my likes my dislikes and my eccentricities are all part of your character. The only thing which is missing is my dream and my passion. And the only thing I am missing is your luck. You dreamed of a a good life and got it served on a golden platter. I dreamed of a good life and have been fighting odds for years to get even close to it.
Every time I see you for a fleeting moment I wish I hadn't taken the more difficult road. If only I had stuck to the beaten track I might have led the good life that you are leading today. I like you and hate you at the very same instance. You bring out the worst in me yet I like your company. You make me feel like a failure but I still hope we keep running into each other. You bring me in touch with my baser instincts and I hate you for it but I can be myself with you without a thought and I like you for that.
But I need to take stock of the situation now and move on. Being me is not easy. I can deal with only one me at any point of time and I will have to let go off you now.