Ever had the feeling that a wonderful relationship ran it's full course and has reached the end ? I feel like that about two such relationships in my life. One I managed to bury and move on, it was the most practical and reasonable thing to and I feel proud that I was strong enough to end it when I did. The second one, I could never end. It just went into a limbo and now I am dragging it on. I wish I could end it for once and all. I now know that it was not meant to be but I tried harder and fought harder to make it last. Now all that feels like wasted effort. Strangely enough I can see the familiar traits again. I can see myself getting into a similar relationship which will probably end just as badly. If only I could end it before it becomes just another corpse for me to lug.
Sunday, 16 January 2011
The key to a happy existence is to turn off your cellphone when depressed or drunk. Sometimes being connected only helps spread the misery further. Unfortunately in this digital existence we hope for some Messiah to make an appearance through the phone which will never happen.
Posted by CD at 15:29
Monday, 10 January 2011
My mind was fuzzy, confused and messed up. I had just raised the bar on happiness, satisfaction and being at peace with myself. Sometimes you feel like you have reached a place in your life where you are comfortable and know what you can and cannot get and would never yearn for anything beyond your means. However this was not how things were supposed to be. I had tasted power and wanted more of it now, I could never settle for anything less than that or so I thought at the moment. Maybe after a few days, a few months I would be able to get over it. I will realize that not everything lasts forever. But then this was not how it was supposed to be, not how I had planned it out. I thought I would be able to walk in and out experience something magical and move on knowing it wasn't going to last. I didn't anticipate this greed and longing for more. I hope in a few days the pain of loss becomes less until it ceases to exist until I finally get rid of it completely.
Posted by CD at 18:29
Sunday, 2 January 2011
The Hyde in me wakes up every once in a while and more than anybody else it surprises me. This is not me or so I would like to believe. I want to keep him on a short leash, never allowing any space for reckless acts but it doesn't happen that ways. One day I shall succeed I hope, one day I shall kill the Hyde in me forever.
Posted by CD at 18:21