You never find it ... no matter how hard you try... You never find true happiness .. true joy or true satisfaction.. it's always a few inches ahead of you...you think you can reach it with your finger tips if you stretch enough.. but all the stretching falls short by a hair's breadth. At times I think I will be happy if I get just this 1 last thing.. but I am never happy... I don't mean I am sad ... it's just that I don't know yet what being ecstatic is. What would it feel like to sleep one night without having a few thousand goals and desires in my mind.
On second thoughts wouldn't that sleep be death. End of desires, goals, amibitions and wants. Wouldn't I be reduced to a vegetable. Do I really want an end to desires ? After all everytime I reach a goal and set 10 more goals formyself I am progressing, growing as an individual and moving closer to the peak called success. I am where I am today because I dared to dream big and I have even bigger dreams today. Dreams which I hope to turn into reality one fine day. Maybe I love myself for what I am. Someone who is never staisfied with what she has. I always want what I don't have and fight tooth and nail to get it. I don't always get it but I never feel I did not try. I love all my failures as much as I love my success since they taught me where to draw the lines for dreaming. One day I will stop dreaming... and chasing my dreams.. and maybe that day I would be virtually dead. But till then I will always keep searching for that elusive quality called true happiness.