Observations

A few things I am growing to appreciate

• Life is not a fairy tale. Witches and fairies can no longer be distinguished from each other.
• You don't get what you deserve from life, you get what you get.
• Magic ended with "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows". Do not look for it in real life.
• Some dreams can never be realized. The question is choosing the right dream to follow.
• True love exists only in books and SRK movies.. :)
• Inspite of it all a good laugh can still make your day.

The Magic is Missing

The magic is missing and I have to deal with the hard facts now. And the hard fact is real life is not showered with magic and reality is less beautiful. No magic ever happens and people reconcile with what they get.

A Good Laugh

Two and half hours of laughter at Radio City Music Hall, NYC. Can life get any better ?? :) Russel Peters is so much better in real life. Even the few old jokes cracked me up.

Musing

I was reading an article about a study which is looking for aliens among earthlings and the research is being done at some of the most prestigious colleges in the world. Made we wonder how many years it would take for someone to earn a PhD in such a "out-of-the-world" topic. After all my PhD with a very realistic topic is not making much headway. I mean do they have to wait till the martians take over earth to graduate. Boy !! thats a real long wait. I think I am better off :).

Lesson

Many years ago I had an argument with my Dad. I thought he was being very pessimistic and cynical, he thought I was being childish and naive. We finally agreed to disagree and we were both sure one day we would prove each other wrong. Today after what feels like a lifetime I have to very grudgingly admit that my Dad was right and I was wrong. It took me many years and many rought times to know that I was not right. Now I wonder if I would have lived life differently if I had believed in my Dad then. Maybe it was better I didn't. Certain knowledge comes with maturity, bitter experiences and an imperfect life. At the age of fifteen I think it's impossible to fathom that life will treat you any other way but with the highest regard. My total disregard of my Dad's opinion was a reflection of my innocence and optimism. A teenager who imagines that life is a bed of roses and the world is at their feet. Good times.

Lunatic in My Head- A Review

Since the day I heard about the book, "Lunatic in my Head" I had been waiting eagerly for a chance to get my hands on a copy of this book. After all it was a book about Shillong, written by an author who grew up in my Shillong with characters based in my quaint little home town. How could I not want to read this book. Finally on my trip home I managed to get it, a gift from my sister.
The book relates the story of four very different people in mid 1990s Shillong, people who had lived for years in this city but were still outsiders. People who had no other place to call home but still didn't belong in Shillong. Just like the pace of life in Shillong there is something slow and painfully consistent in the life of characters. It's like nothing ever changes. Nothing ever changes in Shillong, not the rains, not the riots, not the extortion, not the smell of pine, not the pain, absolutely nothing. Reading the book was like listening to my Dad talk about life in Shillong. There was nothing new or nice in the stories but you listen anyways. The book also ends fairly abruptly with absolutely no progress in the story. Yes it felt like Shillong, my home where nothing ever changes.

Another Sem

My fifth semester has just come to an end. With it comes the realisation that I have learnt a lot, but there is so much more that I need to learn, so much more than I already know. A feeling of foreboding sets in, a feeling that I might not be able to reach the end of the rainbow and might never find the pot of gold. Yet, I want to chase it. It makes me wonder if I am foolish, plain stubborn or just determined. What I choose to name it doesn't matter but it is there. When I finally manage to earn my PhD I hope I shall be able to get rid of that knot in my stomach. Like somebody told me eventually this effort will be intellectually worth the time I spent.

Earth, Wind and Rain and Fire

Wealth, Power, Blood, Desire

One Goal to Live for Before we Die

One taste of Glory

One Mouthful of Sky !

Lines from an old Indian soap but it conveys my feeling aptly at this point.

Gift

Sometimes somebody who you barely know and someone who barely knows you tells you something which makes so much sense and sticks with you for a long long time. Today I got such an advice. I only hope it does not fade out of my memory anytime soon.

Rip Van Winkle .. Me ???

On a cold winter morning, I woke up and looked around for the warmth and comfort of my home. But where was I? This place was not familiar, I had never seen this room. My body felt sore and my head was throbbing. I slowly dragged myself out of bed, gripped by panic at being in this unknown place. Was I kidnapped, how long was I here, why did I feel so weak, was I drugged, a thousand questions flashed through my mind in a matter of seconds.

As I slowly made my way to the nearest door I caught a quick glimpse of my face in the window. It was me, but something was different. The light was in the wrong direction, I couldn't see very clearly and I ran towards the door hoping to find a washroom. It was a restroom indeed, a small dingy room with a tiny mirror perched on the wall with a small bath and toilet. As I looked at myself in the mirror I realized I was different, I was older, my hair was gray, I had wrinkles on my face the life had been pulled out of my face. I looked fifty years old, how was that possible ? Didn't I just have the beautiful life with a whole bunch of friends and family, people who loved me and people who cared for me. Where did I lose that life ? How could this have happened to me ? Where did those years from my life vanish ? Why could I remember nothing?

Slowly I walked out of the restroom and dragged myself back to bed. I needed time to come to terms with the facts around me, come to terms with the fact that I had no memories of the last twenty five years of my life. As I laid my head on the pillow I felt my head touch something hard, it was a diary. A diary so thick it held everything I needed to know about my past which I couldn't remember. As I began to read it I realized how I had never appreciated the wonderful life I had, always wanting to be younger, smarter, happier and richer. Good was never good enough for me, I needed better. Slowly things started to make some sense. I was awake from a sleep which finally made me realize how wrong I had been. It was probably too late to make a new start or was it? Could I start again ? I wish I had woken earlier and seen the truth. I don't understand why and how I wasted so many years of my life.

I slowly closed the diary swearing never to open it again. I couldn't undo the past, it was beyond me, the only thing I had left in me was my strength and my determination never to give up. I lied down hoping to make a new start now, without ever looking back at what I did and didn't do. However the nagging feeling remained..... what if I had woken up earlier?

My Mirror Image

I see myself in you. You are who I would have become if I hadn't changed my life when I got the opportunity. You represent everything that I could have been. My whims my flaws, my likes my dislikes and my eccentricities are all part of your character. The only thing which is missing is my dream and my passion. And the only thing I am missing is your luck. You dreamed of a a good life and got it served on a golden platter. I dreamed of a good life and have been fighting odds for years to get even close to it.

Every time I see you for a fleeting moment I wish I hadn't taken the more difficult road. If only I had stuck to the beaten track I might have led the good life that you are leading today. I like you and hate you at the very same instance. You bring out the worst in me yet I like your company. You make me feel like a failure but I still hope we keep running into each other. You bring me in touch with my baser instincts and I hate you for it but I can be myself with you without a thought and I like you for that.

But I need to take stock of the situation now and move on. Being me is not easy. I can deal with only one me at any point of time and I will have to let go off you now.