The Last Promise

So I promised to erase the last memories I have, promised the person who walked out of my life without a single regret. Maybe I am being harsh, maybe he was not so happy about the state of affairs, maybe he was sorry too, but he did leave me. He broke all those promises he made. So do I owe him anything? I was always honest with him, never lied never reneged on any promise I made until now. Unfortunately enough when he made me promise he remembered that I have always lived up to all my promises, he simply forgot that he had no right to make me promise anything.

I broke my last promise. I am not proud of it but I couldn't do what he asked me. And strangely enough I have no regrets. He worries that I shall use them to hurt him someday. To me they are just good memories of time long past. I shall erase them when I think the time is right. Whatever I am, I am not evil and I will never do him any harm. Sadly enough, he never believed that. Today I am free to make my own decisions about how I live and die, so why not be free to decide what I shall keep and what I won't. The day I feel that these memories are just burdens of my past I shall get rid of them. Until then I shall retain them like the memories I have .

Birthday

I just celebrated my birthday and am a year older now. And then I wonder when did I really grow, at the turn of the hour at midnight or every moment of the past year ? The year which like many others taught me some new lessons and some which I chose to ignore. The year which reinstated my faith in the fact that I am strong enough to survive anything but still weak somewhere. I learnt that I can live without anyone and everyone but still learnt to love every person in my life even more. The year which taught me happiness is fleeting but I shall still run after it. I learnt so much yet know so little. I don't want to undo my past, I haved grown older but I still want all I lost. A chance to get it all back. Maybe a year from now I will have found everything I ever wanted or maybe I shall just be blogging about all that I learnt and didn't learn again.

From CD with Love ....

I always wanted to read these lines to the dearest person in my life ... I just never got the chance. Today it's too late, and probably meaningless too. But I needed to get it out of my system.

Grow old along with me,

The best is yet to be

The last of life,

for which the first was made.

Are stupid people happier ?

Sometimes it is hard to be so intelligent, hard to be smart enough to make the right decisions. I just made the most difficult decision of my life. My heart wanted to say yes but my mind said no, ultimately I went with my mind but I am heartbroken. I know in the long run I shall probbaly be happier but getting through the bad times won't be easy. I sometimes wonder if it would have been better if I had been a little stupid, stupid enough so that I could not think about the future. Stupid enough to just live for the moment and grab any happiness coming my way with both hands. After all who knows what tomorrow holds. For all I know I might be a victim of a hit and run accident on my way to office. Then there would be no me, and no long term.

So are stupid people happier or all happy people stupid ? If happiness is a state of mind does it say that happiness is a form of stupidity. I don't know, but I wonder, I wonder how it would have been if I had been a little stupid. Maybe just maybe I would have held on to my happiness.

Yarrow

The treasured dreams of times long past,

We'll keep them, winsome Marrow!

For when we're there, although 'tis fair

'Twill be another Yarrow!

- William Wordsworth

Today these lines mean a whole lot more, a whole lot more meaningful and relevant.

A Wonderful Thought

‘‘... and you, Marcus, you have given me many things; now I shall give you this good advice. Be many people. Give up the game of being always Marcus Cocoza. You have worried too much about Marcus Cocoza, so that you have been really his slave and prisoner. You have not done anything without first considering how it would affect Marcus Cocoza’s happiness and prestige. You were always much afraid that Marcus might do a stupid thing, or be bored. What would it really have mattered? All over the world people are doing stupid things ... I should like you to be easy, your little heart to be light again. You must from now, be more than one, many people, as many as you can think of ...’’

– Karen Blixen
(‘‘The Dreamers’’ from ‘‘Seven Gothic Tales’’
written under the pseudonym Isak Dinesen,
Random House, Inc.
Copyright, Isac Dinesen, 1934 renewed 1961)

Solitude

I am completing two years of my stay here and sometimes I wonder if I am happy with the state of affairs, and the pleasant response is I am. My life is different from how I wanted it to be but surprisingly I am happy. And when I think about it I realise it's my freedom and my solitude which makes me happy. I am free to do as I please, I don't worry any more about my actions, if they are hurting people or if I am losing anyone in the process. I have plenty of friends here but no one close enough. Sometimes distance and solitude makes a lot of difference. I no longer cling to any friend, I have no one here I would like to cling to. And for the first time in many years I have begun to enjoy my own company. It's a good life and I don't see myself giving it up for anything else in a long long time.

What's In A Name ?

I always thought that people give too much importance to names until today.  My roommate told me of an old Chinese tradition where rich Chinese people were bestowed with short last names. The shorter the surname the richer they were. Till today Chinese know that anyone with a short lastname hails from a rich and aristocratic family. So anytime a my roommates Chinese friends on hear my surname they think I am from a very wealthy family. That brought a smile to my face. This is a thought I will relish for a long long time. 

Susan Boyle

I recently watched Susan Boyle sing on "Britain's Got Talent" and I think I must have watched that video 20 times in 2 days. In addition to the fact that she has a phenomenal voice which can keep anyone glued to that video I believe that there is something about that entire episode which has an universal appeal.

The success of the underdog, bringing bullies down to their knees, realisation of a childhood dream a fairy tale ending. I believe that's what I loved that video. It would be hard to find a person who didn't have a dream which they had to give up since they thought they could never make it come true. Dreams abandoned because people didn't have faith in us and eventually we lost faith in ourselves.

Susan Boyle's story is a positive one, a story which reinstates our faith in ourself, in miracles and in life itself.

  

Pre Independence India

This is for all my friends who still think that the British served India during their 200 years long stay. Seeing is believing (No, this guy was not getting a pedicure).