Tuesday, 8 May 2007

I'm moving.....

After living in my present house for two and a half years I am finally moving, yes, moving into a new house. And during the course of cleaning and packing my wardrobe I came across a few reminders from my past, some pieces of paper which can bring back a deluge of memories, both bitter and sweet, for quite some time now the bitter memories have been more overpowering. Memories which could once bring a smile to my face make me only misty eyed now. It was then I realized that this move is giving me not just an opportunity to move into a new house but also a long awaited chance to move on in life. I could let go of the past and make a fresh new start. So finally after contemplating and re-contemplating over this issue for a day I decided to burn the papers.
Watching the papers burn last night was probably the most gratifying experience I had in a long long time. I have no idea why Hindu dead bodies are cremated, no idea what the Vedas say about it but I suddenly realized then that burning the dead must be something very good. Good for both the dead and those who are left behind to deal with the loss and pain. The fire and flames makes the end seem real and final. To see the papers turn to ashes made me realize that there was no turning back, no chance of reversal. And yes no more chance for me to sit and glorify pain and tragedy. And all my fears that once I burnt them I would want them back so desperately died too. I felt absolutely nothing like that. I knew I was letting go off a lot …but then it was all for good since I was letting go off pain, tears, remorse, self pity and huge amount of grief. No matter what I do next in life, good or bad it will never be the same mistake or the same pain. I am now ready to make a fresh new start and a whole lot of fresh new mistakes but I know there will be no regression at my end, ever. I am finally moving on.

11 comments:

sreedhar said...

very true... i experienced the same feeling when i was in bombay... i felt so sad when moving to a different place .. its like slowly u would have fallen in love with the place. But u wont know until u leave the place!!

Banhi said...

Well,it's all for the best ! Am glad to note that the "all that you can't leave behind" phase is finally over !!

And honestly,I can't understand what the other comment here means - I thought you were only too happy to move(on) ?!?!

sreedhar said...

hi banhi,
there are 2 parts to it :

1. i feel sad coz i am leaving something behind with which i was associated with for a long time.

and next
2. i feel nice to be with a new thing.

thats the way i feel!! i donno abt u though!

banhi said...

Well Sreedhar,the whole point is that it's not about how you or I feel about moving; it's about how the author of the blog feels.
And I think CD is more happy than sad; relating it metaphorically to moving on in life as such and finally being able to call bygones bygones -
"this move is giving me not just an opportunity to move into a new house but also a long awaited chance to move on in life."

It's more about being able to burn down and clean off things that once held such meaning but are now completely irrelevant; than feeling any sort of sadness or attachment. In a way,it's about breaking free from certain attachments.And it is this breaking free that is giving her an exhilarating high..

sreedhar said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sreedhar said...

Hi Banhi,
I completely agree that CD is happy to move on in life.
But, this looks like a special case to me in which, the place where CD lived, housed/reminded CD of something bad rather than something good when she says : "Memories which could once bring a smile to my face make me only misty eyed now". I can only deduce that life has moved from something good to something not so good in that house/home. And thats why she is happy to move on which will give her a chance to forget/bury/erase/burn all those
things which makes her sad.

I may be wrong. May be CD should comment!

I probably shouldn't have compared my exp with CD's. They are completely different.

cheers!!

CD said...

Well..such a lot of discussion about my blog....I am truly flattered.. :D but I guess I need to clarify now.....I am happy I am moving out..and moving on.....some bitter sweet memories are now burnt and buried..and that's how I like it best

sreedhar said...

well, that was the whole idea i believe!! hehhehhe !!! just kidding..

cheers!

Bhagyajeet said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bhagyajeet said...

awesome....another piece of creativity!
all the other comments express my feelings as well so..
keep it goin dost..cheers!!

Sriparna said...

Trust me..when u told me abt this blog...i wntd to read it ever since...coz this ws the moment tht made u realize tht u hd to move on with life...somethin tht i can relate to so well...