Wednesday, 31 January 2007

Last Night

Lying on my death bed in a dimly lit hospital room with drips attached to my arm I start looking back at my long life. Was this how I had wanted my life to shape up ? Did I get and do all that I had wanted. Strangely it’s quite an effort and my head strts spinning just trying to recall what I had wanted and what I had got, instead I start thinking of the best days of my life. And where better to start then with the innocent days of my childhood when life seemed so beautiful. My first day at school, my feeble attempts to befriend the classmate sitting next to me, my first class teacher, my first friend in school and so many more firsts. If this is all I can remember today why did I chase so much for so long ? Was I more intelligent and wiser as a kid. I knew how to be happy then with everything I had at the moment, I knew how to live life for the moment. Where then did I lose that innocence that hope, that laughter ?Ah, another severe cramp in my chest. Where, where is that emergency button to call in the doctors? I am having another heart attack. It’s quite an effort reaching out to the button with my arms entwined with tubes. Maybe I just won’t press the button after all. My eyes are slowly closing and I can slowly feel the pain ease. This is better than the repeated visits to the hospitals with the doctors trying to convince me that they can cure me. I can feel my head growing lighter, the dim lights being replaced by a warm soft light. No it’s not heaven, it’s just my last thoughts of the best days of my life, my childhood days at my hometown in a remote hill station in a far away country. I can never go back there but my eyes can see only them now. My mind will only remember them now. The beautiful hillside and the lush green meadows. That is the last thing on my mind before I fall into a painless and deep sleep. I finally died with the best days of my life and the best memories of my life in my mind


Banhi said...

Great job, CD !
May the next time you feel like Ash of the 'Ash-Shake' fame !!Amen !

Tomchi said...

Is death just the time at which life ends; or does it involve seeing death of your own thoughts and desires and conduct?!

CD said...

Death of thoughts conducts and desires are not an end in themself...with the death of 1 desire another takes birth...but physical death...leads to complete end to the ringmaster behind this "Circus of Activities"..the BRAIN.

chintan said...

Beautiful...... let me share a personal thought of mine.... very often as a kid i used to think "On my death bed...what if i was born again... what changes i could do in my life... at the last breath of life.. what things i could have done so that i wouldn't regret it during my death" And these things certainly helped me changing my perspective towards life... it got the attitude "Live for the moment" in me. And after all its only one life we get to live with this body why the hell waste it, instead enjoy the life as a big big party.

Coming back to ur point CD... you have achived to get the feel of death & after in this post.... really loved it very much, and yes very very eager to read new updates :)


janisha said...

gud write up ...but just wanted 2 say that , every moment is 2 b lived ..u still can relive that innocence ...u can still chuckle like a liner for ur entry ..."u can never search for happiness is within u ...u have 2 create it " u did that as a kid ...u have 2 do it as an adult ....itz all in ur hands ...have a super life my friend ...keep smiling !!

Priti said...

beautiful expression